Endings

I continue to feel okay on the Taxol. The IV steroids that I get the day of chemo keep me wired through the next day and night. Then I crash for a day or two (as I’m doing now as I write this). By the weekend, I am tired but functional. I definitely feel my body weakening. Tried and failed to run last weekend. My legs and lungs just couldn’t do it. But despite the Image 1fatigue, now that the nausea is gone, everything feels easier physically.

My emotions have been less easy these last weeks. I’m doing my best to “not resist what is.” To open my grasping fists and surrender to whatever feelings and circumstances arise. The sadness has been hardest for me after all those weeks of joyful gratitude.

My dad flies back to Oakland this Saturday (after two months in our home, two months of co-parenting my children while he also parents me), and the whole lot of us is sad about that. For me, it feels like another ending. What a rare and magical time this has been. (My mom will stay through February, possibly longer.)IMG_0269

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